Depression and shiz.

Recently I've been feeling like shit. Depressed. (slightly) and other fun stuff.. Don't worry, not to the extent that I want to die, just that I have no fecking clue what I'm doing with myself anymore. 

I always new what I wanted to do when I grew up-be a zoo keeper, musical/panto performer or graphic designer. I guess when you're young everything seems possible. But then you enter the world of high school/the real world and if you don't get your grades early on then you're screwed basically.

Not surprisingly, that's happened to me. However, this whole 'fuck my life' situation happened long before I got my highers results. To begin with, I'm allergic to pretty much any animal, therefor my dream of being a zoo keeper or any job with animals was oot the windie.... *excuse the Scottish humour*

Then, I started a drama school/music classes and early on realised my confidence was as big as a moth.. And not a big, chunky moth, a wee shrivelled up one with crappy wings that fly like its broken all the time. As the years went on, I did increase in confidence and honestly, I'm alright now but I couldn't have a career in performing arts because, frankly, I am no where near 'glee' standards.. Not yet anyway. 

And then we get to Graphic design!....

When I started high school I was in love with graphics as a subject and its always been my best, I recieved an A this year *props to me!*, although, as I was finally happy with the career path I had chosen for myself, my art teacher dropped a bomb on me saying that I wouldn't be able to pursue my dream without advanced higher art.

I know what you're thinking, 'surely you'd need advanced higher graphics rather than art to do graphic design?' 

Well, like me, you're wrong. I am doing advanced higher graphics and yet that will help me if I get a decent enough grade but as my annoyingly right art teacher said, pretty much everywhere asks for art. I was lucky that some universities only ask for higher art, which I have, but it seems to be that to do graphic design, art is essential. Personally, I believe it's a load of shite. 

And therefor I'm back at square one. I am no longer a small kid excited for my future of a fab career that I love, honestly I'm scared shitless because I have no idea what my life will be like when I leave school for good in 8 months time...

 

And then there's my job.... I work part time in a small farmhouse cafe/gifts shop and to be perfectly honest, it's boring as fuck. I love the people and the customers are lovely but when there's nothing for me to do, I get sent to do the cutlery... And believe me, there's only so many forks, spoons and knifes a person can polish in one shift. :| 

we move swiftly on to friends. I've recently got closer to so many people in my year that I spoke to a wee bit before but now they're my best friends and ive drifted apart from some of my old friends. Its not all happiness and rainbows. There's always some kind of drama and somehow, stupidly, I'm always the one getting involved to piece all the bits back together but then I end up being the bad guy, and honestly, it's my own fault but I just hate when two or more people I care so much about are unhappy with each other. I've decided to just sit back and chill from now on. Sure, ill then turn into the middle *wo* man, hearing all different sides of the story and ill not be able to help but put my input into the situation but to avoid more arguments and upsettingness... Ill just keep my fat gob shut. 

So thats my life at this momen in tome... here's a picture of a cute kitten, so this depressing wee post can at least end on a happy note... Enjoy.